When I was healthy people who were supposed to help me when I was sick pretty much did. If I came down with something I just called the doctor, got an appointment, they asked questions, checked me out, probably prescribed something, I went on my merry way and got better. Never once was I treated with such incredible cruelty, suspicion, and indifference as I have since I’ve been severely ill. The time when I needed the help the most is when I was treated like a criminal, a drug seeker, a mental case, and in a startling number of instances less than human. That makes no sense! In the moment when you are desperate for our medical system to show a little humanity is the exact moment they suddenly turn into sociopaths.
Never has this been more evident than in my disability hearing today. Not only have I already been denied three times most likely because of my age and nothing more. Not only have I been fighting with the system for this for two and half years. Not only have I struggled with medical bills, doctors appointments, insurance companies, pharmacies, medications, side effects, on top of being sick. But it seems to me that everyone, EVERYONE has forgotten that I am NOT, in fact, asking for a hand out. I am asking for MY money back. Since the day I first started working this government has garnished my wages for social security and disability. I have worked from a very young age and believe me, if they just wanted to return to me the exact amount of money that they have taken from me over all of these years with the standard interest accrued over that time, because I am done giving this government zero percent loans, that would be perfectly fine with me. The truth is the government takes these taxes and hopes you die before you can get social security and makes it impossible to access disability, but let’s not wander into politics.
The hearing today was downright traumatic. My hearing was held in Nevada and I had Janice E. Shave for a judge and I have no idea if this is normal, but she was downright mean. She interrogated me, it should have been a darkened room with a single bright light shining right into my eyes. She could calmly unpack all of her torture devices while she asks me questions. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. She asked if I did my own laundry and I said no. She asked why not. I told her that lifting and bending are the most painful things you can do with a bad back. She asked if I changed my own bed. I said no. Why mot? Again, lifting and bending are the most painful things you can do with a bad back. Keep in mind that her voice was somehow consistently superior, suspicious, and scornful. As if it was a foregone conclusion that I was lying and I best come clean before things turned nasty. Next she asked if I drove. I told her that I drove to doctors appointments. She then asked how exactly it was that I couldn’t do laundry or change my bed, but I could drive myself to a doctors appointment. The tears started, but I explained that when you are chronically you have limited physical resources and life is all about choices. So if I have to choose between wearing dirty clothes and sleeping in dirty sheets and trying to get better, I going to try to get better. That was just the first five minutes, that hearing was the longest half hour of my life.
The good news is that their vocational expert said that there was no job that I could perform, skilled or unskilled, sedentary or not. Additionally, my lawyer said afterward that he doesn’t see how they could deny me and if they do they will appeal it immediately, which he explained is something they only do on winning cases. So, most likely I will get it. I won’t find out for one to two months. I just don’t understand why, when these people (doctors, insurances, pharmacies, disability) are supposedly in a helping profession they would compound the misery of being severely ill with cruelty?
Now I just need a lot of hugs to recover from that evil woman.