I usually do a review at the end of each year. Take the time to think about what has happened, what I’ve learned, and what I can do or make better next year. However, looking back on this year seemed more depressing than anything. Then I had an epiphany.
In the last year alone I visited 15 different doctors including four neurologists, two gastroenterologists, two physical therapists, a chiropractor, a pain specialist, and a spine specialist. I attended 75 doctor appointments, had eight surgical procedures including an endoscopy, inpatient EEG, SI joint injections, and radiographic ablation. I had 12 diagnostic scans including CTs, x-rays, and MRI and two EMGs, eight different panels of blood work, and five hospital admissions including two ER admissions and two admissions for seizures. I am on four different pain medications, two mood stabilizers, and two medications to help sleep as the pain interferes drastically with both my mood and my ability to sleep.
I was unable to work since the beginning of the year and right before Thanksgiving they laid me off. With that final blow my life in the bay area fell apart. No job, no money, no beautiful Victorian with huge old oaks and fat squirrels in the backyard. I still couldn’t move or lift anything and I had to move back in with my parents. If that isn’t an ego destroyer I don’t know what is. Then disability tells me I’m fine so I have to launch a long and hard appeal process. Then at the end of the year there two deaths in the extended family, because life clearly wasn’t challenging enough. No health, no job, no answers, everything just went boom and now I have to figure out how to get my life back in a totally different way. Yeah, sure, no problem. I’ll get right on that.
The epiphany? It’s simple; Who has two thumbs and survived all this? This girl. Even if everything fell apart, I didn’t. My friends and family really came through for me. Saved me really. Even though my situation is far from perfect, I’m not where I was hoping to be, in fact, it’s pretty much a disaster, but damn it, I’m still standing. And you know what? That is something I can proud of. My accomplishment this year is that through it all I’m still here and frankly I think that is a pretty mighty achievement.
As pleased as I am with myself, I do ask that next year be happier. Happy New Year everyone and I wish you all the best in 2014.